A.J. Walker


Suspiciously Unsuspicious

Suspiciously Unsuspicious

In the early hours of March 14th it was reported that Mr Graham Donatello (62) of 11B Dockland Terrace was found quite dead in the grounds of the Great Hall on Constitution Hill. He had previously been seen during the day by several eye witnesses consulted by journalists of The Vision, including in fact our very own Editor, Simon De Mieville Jr, and the Chief Sports writer (and Saturday columnist), George Pressley III. Both reported that Mr Donatello was in decidedly good cheer, which was supported by others who saw him, and are in “deep shock” at the news of his sudden death.

The former great procrastinator and bon viveur was found by three children from the area, who cannot be named because of their youth. They are the two sons and the daughter of Mr Vivian Park-Reynolds and Ms Charley Simpson, his former young maid of long blonde hair and a reportedly open disposition. The children are said to be in good cheer despite their early morning surprise. Indeed all went into school later in the day to pass on the details of their grisly findings to their school colleagues and teachers. We can but marvel at the resilience of youth.

Donatello was found hanging from one of the tallest trees in the park and the attending police officers - a Seargant Strong and PC Gormless, were quoted as saying “there were no mysterious circumstances” (in the death of Graham Donatello). This journalist though could not help but notice that there were no signs of dirt on his hands despite or his smart, well fitting suit. This seems surprising as there was no ladder or other way of getting up the tree apart from climbing it. He also was wearing only one shoe and there was no evidence of the other one having been found inside the park; or in the tree. PC Gormless suggested that perhaps before the children had come along a ladder thief had been past.

It is also noted that Graham had been in a very bright spotlight in recent times with his short term wrangling - including within the pages of this veritable establishment - with the current Government over their handling of the unknowable miscreants affair and the apparent disregard of certain laws by multiple patrons of the State; and it should be said by some representatives within the Cabinet.

We await the findings of the city’s coroner on the sad death of Mr Donatello, but it is hoped by this paper that Dr Cliff Heraldston does recuse himself from investigating the case given his extremely close ties to the Government: he is of course married to Marjorie Nom De Plume, the mysterious & extremely high profile Secretary of State for Contentious Decisions (her of the “Discerning smile whilst she drives a dagger through your ribs” fame - in the words of ex-colleague and now ex MP Mr Richard Hardyman).

Whilst we wait we will not be holding our breathes - and neither should you. RIP Bon Viveur.