Greetings From Zevonia
In April the word prompts for VSS365 come to you from me (@zevonesque on Twitter) on behalf of the Occasionally Free Peoples’ Republic of Zevonia. Since the last time I was the Prompt Meister I have become the Official Envoy for Zevonia. Despite the title it is actually an unofficial role, as that’s the way the country rolls. Last time I presented words which were a celebration of the history and the people of Zevonia and Zevonistan (and by pure coincidence also names of pubs in Liverpool and hop varieties; Spooky!). As I am now the Unofficial Official Envoy then I’m afraid I’ll have to ditch reference to our upstart neighbours in Zevonistan.
Please note, that whatever you hear from Zevonistan’s troublesome media and state (which is the same thing) I am not dissing them because they wouldn’t take me as an envoy. I did not, and never would, set up a bidding war between the two nations, whatever you read. Suffice to say I am happy where I am and will be seeing out my contract here as long as the bosses are happy with me. I note that there was a Bored Meeting of the Cabinet Makers* last week and they gave me a ringing endorsement in my un/official role saying ‘He’s doing okay’ - and so there you go. You can’t say fairer than that.
So what of Zevonia you ask? (And please don’t ask me about Zevonis...) Well things are pootling on pretty much as standard. It remains a little known, and little visited or cared about country. The Sprout Festival goes from strength to strength, in relative terms, and some intrepid tourists have visited in recent years - deviously written questionnaires by yours truly suggest that they may have come in order to ‘tick the country from their list’ and sometimes they say that they will come back. That said the data is limited to three completed questionnaires, and one of those was spoiled. To date there has been no evidence of such repeat business but we live in difficult times and the routes into the country are affected by strained transportation and a questionable tourist bureau; hey I’m unofficial I can say these things.
There have been no visitors this year at all. Some readers may put this down to Coronavirus, but to be fair last year our first tourist arrived in mid May - and that was by mistake: he’d confused Zevonia with Zevonistan! Incredible mistake to make.
Anyway, with 2020 having started so badly with regard to worldwide travel and whatnot we have downgraded the countries expected visitor numbers to zero, so we’ll be pleasantly surprised if anyone turns up. Incidentally as we’ve had no visitors since mid October we’ve had no cases of that dreaded virus and unless it can blow in on a wind, or land on a beach with a message in a bottle, we can consider ourselves blessed. And our 28 qualified doctors can sleep well: though the 437 quasi-registered (for tax purposes) quacks will probably start some rumours so they can sell more snake oil (unsurprisingly actually made from sprout juice, for this is Zevonia).
You don't need to know anything about the country or its people it's just where the words are coming from. Anyway, enough of my rambling. I’ll see you in April. Keep well my friends and may the road rise to meet your sandals and your sprouts be healthy. Cheery bye, as they say around here (it’s weird what they’ve picked up from their various colonisations).
* This would be Cabinet Ministers in any other country but historically someone of importance, who turned out also to be pig-headed, misheard the title. Similarly the official minute taker (some say mischievously) typed Bored instead of Board and that stuck too. Never let it be said that Zevonians like to admit they’re wrong. No, never say that.
Please note, that whatever you hear from Zevonistan’s troublesome media and state (which is the same thing) I am not dissing them because they wouldn’t take me as an envoy. I did not, and never would, set up a bidding war between the two nations, whatever you read. Suffice to say I am happy where I am and will be seeing out my contract here as long as the bosses are happy with me. I note that there was a Bored Meeting of the Cabinet Makers* last week and they gave me a ringing endorsement in my un/official role saying ‘He’s doing okay’ - and so there you go. You can’t say fairer than that.
So what of Zevonia you ask? (And please don’t ask me about Zevonis...) Well things are pootling on pretty much as standard. It remains a little known, and little visited or cared about country. The Sprout Festival goes from strength to strength, in relative terms, and some intrepid tourists have visited in recent years - deviously written questionnaires by yours truly suggest that they may have come in order to ‘tick the country from their list’ and sometimes they say that they will come back. That said the data is limited to three completed questionnaires, and one of those was spoiled. To date there has been no evidence of such repeat business but we live in difficult times and the routes into the country are affected by strained transportation and a questionable tourist bureau; hey I’m unofficial I can say these things.
There have been no visitors this year at all. Some readers may put this down to Coronavirus, but to be fair last year our first tourist arrived in mid May - and that was by mistake: he’d confused Zevonia with Zevonistan! Incredible mistake to make.
Anyway, with 2020 having started so badly with regard to worldwide travel and whatnot we have downgraded the countries expected visitor numbers to zero, so we’ll be pleasantly surprised if anyone turns up. Incidentally as we’ve had no visitors since mid October we’ve had no cases of that dreaded virus and unless it can blow in on a wind, or land on a beach with a message in a bottle, we can consider ourselves blessed. And our 28 qualified doctors can sleep well: though the 437 quasi-registered (for tax purposes) quacks will probably start some rumours so they can sell more snake oil (unsurprisingly actually made from sprout juice, for this is Zevonia).
You don't need to know anything about the country or its people it's just where the words are coming from. Anyway, enough of my rambling. I’ll see you in April. Keep well my friends and may the road rise to meet your sandals and your sprouts be healthy. Cheery bye, as they say around here (it’s weird what they’ve picked up from their various colonisations).
* This would be Cabinet Ministers in any other country but historically someone of importance, who turned out also to be pig-headed, misheard the title. Similarly the official minute taker (some say mischievously) typed Bored instead of Board and that stuck too. Never let it be said that Zevonians like to admit they’re wrong. No, never say that.
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