Zevonia: A Brief Introduction
This Extract is taken from the First Edition (1982) of the 'Rough Guide to the Lonelier Places on the Planet'. Note: this was also the last edition as there was only one sale of the book which was to the main author’s mother. If you see one in a second-hand book shop it is probably an edition given free to one of the contributing authors as most of the print was sent for pulping in 1986. If you do see a copy I recommend buying one, as although it is somewhat out of date (the capital city has changed three times since its printing) the geography has not changed and indeed many of the bus time tables have not altered either (sounds unlikely until you realise that the buses run only twice a week between most towns).
Introduction
The Occasionally Free People’s Republic of Zevonia is situated in the Far East of the Central East, if you are that way inclined, or it may be in the Far West of the Far East (lying on the edge of the Central East). It all depends on how you look at things and where you are both geographically and politically - and we dare say, just as essentially, philosophically. It is a land of wonder, in so much as you will wonder why you are there. And while we largely mean that you could of course find things to make your days there interesting and as Travellers we would never say never about going anywhere. The fledgling tourist board (interestingly currently comprises just one woman who also works at Calypso Fish Market) has started a campaign with the strap line: 'Come to Zevonia: You Never Know' and we think she's hit the nail on the head there. We certainly don't know.
The Towns
The country is in the northern hemisphere with a mostly continental climate. The Summers are long and hot and the Winters long and harsh. Spring and Autumn visit sparingly and if you have a lie in the wrong day then you may miss it.
The Capital city changes at the whim of the ruler and is currently in the small south western town of DISPENSARY in the shadow of the Mysterious Mountains. It is there for no good reason other than the current President was born there and felt it was a good idea, at least for his family. It isn’t. Its connectivity is arguably amongst the worst of the towns in the country and due to geographical constraints that is unlikely to change. It does have a tiny airport, but it is only capable of taking small turbo prop planes (c.18 seats) when the wind is blowing in the right direction (or, ideally, not blowing at all, and the accident rate is eye-wateringly bad. Note: anyone in need of spares or repairs for such planes could do worse than spend a day in the Mysterious Mountains. It is improbable you wont find a crash site without even looking.
The fairest city of them all is CALYPSO, on the south western coast. Its favourable climate, abundant sea food, and relatively easy transportation links make it a popular spot to visit these days. In historic times its location and ease of access was often its undoing, as it was sacked on too numerous occasions to be sure of. Suffice to say if you had any treasures or even just small change you would find a place in the countryside to bury it lest it be seized by brigands from one neighbouring state or another. Or even one neighbour when times were hard - which was usually the case.
One city you cannot fail to visit (for it is the only place with a dedicated Immigration Office) is PORT CROWN on the north east edge of Zevonia. Words like; pretty, bijou, safe, fun and exciting are never used in describing the city (and we use that word advisedly) although 'exciting' could be used in the event you link it with police brutality, running to save your skin and being robbed. It is not without its charms. It’s just that you have to work hard - or be damn lucky - to find them.
The city (yes, it really is) has been the Capital more frequently and for longer than any of the other towns in the country. It certainly makes more sense than the current one. It is relatively rich, though it does its best to hide that with the brutal architecture and brusque nature of the inhabitants (think Londoners, meet seedier areas of a no-go Moscow suburb, and a Red Light area in a downtrodden port town at 4 am - yeah, pretty off-putting). It was founded by the British or the Portuguese, or some say the Russians, in the 1700s or maybe later. It is difficult to be sure as no records seem to tally up in any of these countries and no-one seems to want to own up to it.
If you have the time you must spend some of it travelling around the interior, where you will be rewarded by sweeping views of nothingness a lot of the time. Due to the levels of dust in the atmosphere, both in Zevonia and adjoining states the sunsets can be unbelievably satisfying. Due to to the sparse nature of the countryside it can be difficult to get something interesting as a foreground for the sunsets though. During the sprout season don’t miss the opportunity to get a silhouette of the sprout stalks against the painted sky. Predictable for Instagram, but evocative of your time in Zevonia.
I trust this extract is of interest to you. I'm going to see if I can find a decent map of the country; everyone loves a map. And I'll see about uploading some more extracts on the geography and history of this intriguing country.
Introduction
The Occasionally Free People’s Republic of Zevonia is situated in the Far East of the Central East, if you are that way inclined, or it may be in the Far West of the Far East (lying on the edge of the Central East). It all depends on how you look at things and where you are both geographically and politically - and we dare say, just as essentially, philosophically. It is a land of wonder, in so much as you will wonder why you are there. And while we largely mean that you could of course find things to make your days there interesting and as Travellers we would never say never about going anywhere. The fledgling tourist board (interestingly currently comprises just one woman who also works at Calypso Fish Market) has started a campaign with the strap line: 'Come to Zevonia: You Never Know' and we think she's hit the nail on the head there. We certainly don't know.
The Towns
The country is in the northern hemisphere with a mostly continental climate. The Summers are long and hot and the Winters long and harsh. Spring and Autumn visit sparingly and if you have a lie in the wrong day then you may miss it.
The Capital city changes at the whim of the ruler and is currently in the small south western town of DISPENSARY in the shadow of the Mysterious Mountains. It is there for no good reason other than the current President was born there and felt it was a good idea, at least for his family. It isn’t. Its connectivity is arguably amongst the worst of the towns in the country and due to geographical constraints that is unlikely to change. It does have a tiny airport, but it is only capable of taking small turbo prop planes (c.18 seats) when the wind is blowing in the right direction (or, ideally, not blowing at all, and the accident rate is eye-wateringly bad. Note: anyone in need of spares or repairs for such planes could do worse than spend a day in the Mysterious Mountains. It is improbable you wont find a crash site without even looking.
The fairest city of them all is CALYPSO, on the south western coast. Its favourable climate, abundant sea food, and relatively easy transportation links make it a popular spot to visit these days. In historic times its location and ease of access was often its undoing, as it was sacked on too numerous occasions to be sure of. Suffice to say if you had any treasures or even just small change you would find a place in the countryside to bury it lest it be seized by brigands from one neighbouring state or another. Or even one neighbour when times were hard - which was usually the case.
One city you cannot fail to visit (for it is the only place with a dedicated Immigration Office) is PORT CROWN on the north east edge of Zevonia. Words like; pretty, bijou, safe, fun and exciting are never used in describing the city (and we use that word advisedly) although 'exciting' could be used in the event you link it with police brutality, running to save your skin and being robbed. It is not without its charms. It’s just that you have to work hard - or be damn lucky - to find them.
The city (yes, it really is) has been the Capital more frequently and for longer than any of the other towns in the country. It certainly makes more sense than the current one. It is relatively rich, though it does its best to hide that with the brutal architecture and brusque nature of the inhabitants (think Londoners, meet seedier areas of a no-go Moscow suburb, and a Red Light area in a downtrodden port town at 4 am - yeah, pretty off-putting). It was founded by the British or the Portuguese, or some say the Russians, in the 1700s or maybe later. It is difficult to be sure as no records seem to tally up in any of these countries and no-one seems to want to own up to it.
If you have the time you must spend some of it travelling around the interior, where you will be rewarded by sweeping views of nothingness a lot of the time. Due to the levels of dust in the atmosphere, both in Zevonia and adjoining states the sunsets can be unbelievably satisfying. Due to to the sparse nature of the countryside it can be difficult to get something interesting as a foreground for the sunsets though. During the sprout season don’t miss the opportunity to get a silhouette of the sprout stalks against the painted sky. Predictable for Instagram, but evocative of your time in Zevonia.
I trust this extract is of interest to you. I'm going to see if I can find a decent map of the country; everyone loves a map. And I'll see about uploading some more extracts on the geography and history of this intriguing country.
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